As I was out shoveling the snow & ice we received I became aware that this snow was a really tough one to shovel. Not because it was really deep but because it was really heavy and difficult - especially when you get up into the middle ages (like myself) and older. This is not the realization I'm referring to by the way in my title. A few minutes of shoveling followed by a couple minutes of admiring the surroundings was the key to keep from getting too winded. So I snapped this picture of myself (which I'll discuss in a minute) and I put it on my Instagram & Facebook account just letting my friends know to be careful. Something simple like shoveling could be very dangerous and it seems every year we hear of someone literally falling over dead from shoveling snow. So that brings me to my real point......
Until just recently I have always been one to shy away from ANY camera of any kind - ever since I can remember. I'm 6'5", weigh about 270 and was intimidated by a camera! My own baby pictures are in black & white because my parents didn't want to spend extra on color film (not dating myself at all here) because I would always cry when getting my picture taken. True story. Once I stopped crying when my picture was taken I moved on to avoiding the camera and (for the most part) never smiling for any pictures. There are a few exceptions that exist but not many. Everyone that knows me knows that any pictures of me... most likely I am not smiling! Yeah I'd smile for my school pictures because they basically made you or else they kept taking your picture until you did! I learned the system I guess. But in general throughout my life this his how I've been. And I still don't smile much for pictures - heck I don't smile much at all which is often misinterpreted as me being angry, sad, or just miserable. But that's not true. I'm just a person that doesn't smile much. And hated being in any picture..... but that has begun to change recently.
Looking back I guess I used to be really hung up on my appearance or what others thought or MAY think. Or this is what I told myself for some reason. Even as a boy I didn't like to see pictures of myself because I felt like... well they were kind of ugly to be honest! Into my adult life I've maintained this weirdness about not liking to see myself in pictures or video. I'm still tentative. But recently I've been taking on a more positive outlook to life in general. I'm approaching 50 (in a year) and just no longer dwell on silly fears that I have lived with. Life is too short not to enjoy. That was the big realization I had today. Yes I actually thought about this and obviously am writing about it. So now I've begun making a few Vlogs, taking a few selfies, and I've put them on my social media without fear or concern. This is me overcoming a block I created a long time ago. Unfortunately it hindered me (and to be honest my loved ones as well) for a long time. But as they say better late than never right? This camera thing is (I think) indicative of a greater change across all aspects of my life. Some I'm starting to see - others yet to be realized. So I guess you could say it's symbolic.
This didn't just happen out of the blue. Now that I realize where I am - I can look back and see how I got here. With anything in life it is always about the people. There have been people (knowingly and unknowingly) that have helped me become a better person and realize what truly matters in life - over a period of time of course. Then there's 1 amazing young man in particular that I have interacted with via social media who has been quite inspirational and has helped me realize I'm seeing a change. He has provided the nudge I've needed so to speak and has been supportive of what I'm trying to do. I've also added daily meditation to my life (again after being convinced to try). 10-15 minutes a day is all it takes. I have no routine with it other than I do it daily. Heck I don't know if I'm doing it right but it's amazing and truly helps! So that's it. Sorry I seem to ramble on in many of my posts of this nature. This week I'll be back to some more baseball posts once our mini-winter subsides! Thank you all for even reading my thoughts. It's truly mind blowing to think about.
